4 Ways to Stress Less and Partner Better with Your Spouse about Holiday Gifts
Can you believe it? The holidays are almost here.
For many families the holidays represent a time of joy and provide an opportunity to spend time with loved ones that they do not get to see often. But, there is another side to the holidays that many families have to work their way through: debt and, sometimes, a little guilt or shame with it. Have you ever been there?
Well, this post is all about some practical steps that you can take to minimize that debt and guilt and maximize the joy that the holidays have to offer.
1. Figure out your money story
This might not sound super practical at first, but, it is. We each tell ourselves a story about the things that we have and the things that we don't. These stories often come from things that we experienced before we were adults. The stories and the emotions that they bring up fuel a great deal of the guilt, pressure and stress that we feel around finances. This gets even more complicated when your money story and your spouse's are opposite.
So, I need you to make like you are preparing for a trial and get your story straight. I kid, I kid. You do need to know and share your story, though. Find a moment when you and your spouse can grab some one-on-one time to talk about questions like:
How were the holidays in your family? Stressful or relaxed? Why?
Who made a big deal about getting or giving gifts?
Listen, where the treasure is the heart will be also. One of the ways to get to the root of debt is to find the emotion that may be fueling it.
2. Create a holiday budget
Depending on when you are reading this, it might be a few weeks before Christmas (or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah) or a few months after. Either way, this is still something that you can do. Sit with your spouse and decide together what you will spend.
Whether you have an overflow of money to spend on holiday gifts or are concerned that you might not have enough, a budget is still a good thing. Among many other things, when you budget with your spouse you do two things: 1) get on the same page about what you value and 2) give your money a specific mission to accomplish.
Have you ever taken the time to think, really think about what your vision for the holidays is? Have you ever thought specifically about how you want those you care for most to feel about the time that you spend with one another during the holidays?
When you start with a vision, you give yourself the chance to give your money (be it a lot or a little) a mission. You open the opportunity to get creative and think outside the box about the experience you want your family to have and to think specifically about the level of financial investment that can help you achieve that vision.
3. Treat holidays like a bill
Holidays and birthdays are irregular expenses. You don't have them every month, but you know that they are going to show up eventually. So, why not treat them like a bill?
Build off of the vision conversation that you have with your spouse and the budget that you set, divide that amount by 12 months or the number of pay periods that you will have this year and add it to your monthly spending (except, put it in a savings account ... one that you have to put a little thought into, like an online bank that you do not have a checking account with).
4. Learn your family's love languages
Ever read the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman? It's a good one. One of the main points made in the book is that there is more than one way to show and register love. In fact, Dr. Chapman says that there are five: physical touch, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation.
The trick is, however, that we tend to give love the way that we like to receive it, which may or may not be the way that our loved one does. This can get even more complicated during the holidays, which tend to focus on one method of loving, gift-giving, much more than on others.
A lot of the pressure that you might be feeling to load someone up with gifts might be alleviated with a gift or two less and more quality time this holiday season. Even if their love love language is gifts, a little extra attention to learn that thing that they really, really want might go a little further than 10 gifts that they only kind of wanted.
Other suggestions? Drop them in the comments below!
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Leopold A. Kimo Richardson is the founder of www.WinningMarriage.org, a relationship site for men focused on helping them to win at marriage.